i wanted to know this person for so long and then i got some belated toothless version of what i wanted for approximately 15 minutes and knew them otherwise mostly in an elaborate ritual of effacing behavior that comprised of being routinely ghosted and then reinstated in the ‘roster’ for reasons that remain obscure to me and which i am too much of a dumb fuck to ask. they knew i would do anything.

i thought i had moved on and its been a while since i abortively tried to professionalize our relationship in order to keep them in my life to no avail. but i was doing grocery shopping today and thought. god i should at least try to finesse a baby out of this or something eventually so it doesn’t feel like an abominable waste of time. what if we made a pact? i have the baby and you don’t have to be involved. so basically a continuation of our association as it was. i’d name it something crazy and you’d balk, maybe you say, woah, that’s not a name you could find on a keychain at a roadside attraction.
but you can custom order anything on the internet now