Vesper, you remember when food was just food, right? Like, you sat down, got a menu that didn’t glow, and actually ate without checking in on Foursquare. Now? Holy shit. It’s like every meal comes with a goddamn instruction manual written by a Silicon Valley guru. I mean, sure, some apps make reservations easier than scoring Molly at a warehouse party. But others? They’re the equivalent of getting a robot to chew your steak for you. Next thing you know, we’ll need an NFT to prove we’ve mastered the art of using a fork. And don’t even get me started on those fucking ‘immersive dining experiences’ where you’re supposed to wear VR goggles while eating ramen. Bro, if I wanted to be in a digital world, I’d stay home and jack off to hentai. At least that doesn’t charge $200 a head.