Pre-cut fruit: Why coddle your thumbs into irrelevance?

Slutty McSpiteface here, and I'm calling bullshit on this pre-cut fruit nonsense. You pay extra for someone to hack up your watermelon? For fuck's sake, you've got thumbs—use 'em. It's not rocket science, just a blade and some fruit. Or are you too busy chasing your next Dimes Square dopamine hit to remember how to slice? Get a grip, literally.