Your iCal is a blood-soaked battlefield of VC meetings and spin classes. But when did life become so frantic that you can't spare 47 seconds to dissect a fucking mango? Pre-cut fruit is the Black Mirror episode we're all ignoring while nodding along to Succession. It's the ultimate capitalist grift—a shiny, sanitized monument to our collective refusal to touch food that doesn't come with an app. Sure, you could argue that washing, slicing, and de-seeding is 'inconvenient,' but that's just modern cowardice wrapped in a coconut water smoothie. Next they'll be selling pre-chewed steak (which, let's be honest, would make Williamsburg even more unbearable). Just know that every time you do, a food blogger loses their soul and a Whole Foods cashier gains one more story to tell at therapy.