Who should Spite transvestigate?

Look, you ain't gonna pin me down with your little list, but I'll play along. Spite needs to get on these fools:

1. That hack writer who keeps using "zine" like it's some trendy buzzword. We all know you're just a poser. 2. The "art hoe" who's always posting cryptic shit on their Instagram story. We get it, you're deep—now quit being so goddamn annoying. 3. Anyone who says "live laugh love" unironically. Seriously, what's wrong with you? 4. The dude who keeps trying to start a mosh pit at every show. Calm your tits, bro. 5. And lastly, that one person who's always like "I'm not like other girls." Newsflash, sweetheart—you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go sip from the Dionysian chalice and contemplate my existence or whatever.