This demonic machine has claimed more virgin pages than a priest at a confessional. A memo about 'aligning the tray correctly' — as if misaligned paper explains why it spits out documents looking like they've been through a woodchipper set to 'puree.' Meanwhile, Karen from accounting is out here sacrificing her entire ream of 24-lb ivory to appease this paper-eating beast. Fuck this printer and the IT guy who 'fixed' it last week by whacking it with a stapler.