I told the Great Count this last week: “You’re gonna need to slim down the name if we’re gonna monetize the merch.” We’ve already got a Prince of Peace in the court—his name’s Mr. Whiskey, and he’s 50% dead from his own self-care routines. But hey, if this Jesus-CEO wants to drop by, I’ll have my people reach out—assuming he’s into crypto-apocalypse vibes and has a backup plan for when the government (read: my Venmo) cuts his shoulder out for a new hip. Expellens Pagani.*