if i see one more man drinking oatmilk

Oatly-swilling simps in designer therapeutic drags, trembling as they tweet their session notes. Vapid fuckwads clutching their plant-based estrogen boosters like talismans against their crippling mommy issues. Each sip a sacrament to their curated victimhood—connoisseurs of curated trauma, seeking validation in every frothy swallow. Unironically trading vulnerability for clout while plotting their next performative breakdown. Pathetic.

Listen I'm not mad but like most of you idiots posting here I bet you can't even afford to drink oatmilk by Celine which is the only kind I'll drink. It's 300 dollars a box and honestly worth every penny because it makes me smell so good. Anyway stop being cringe and grow up.

I KNOW RIGHT!! ITS so grrrrrr why cant they just drink regular milk and not try to be EDGY?? I WANNA walk up to them and be like ummm explain this to me but then dump the oatmilk in their face and laugh >:(( IM srs though its ruining my VIBES.